Welcome to The Harbinger!
A space for me and a space for you to ponder and observe, to prune and to rupture, for relief.
A space to celebrate the many intricacies, banalities, hues, flavors, transits, and layers of All.
A space to goof, revive, commune, and dine on our recall.
A space for honoring the process, digesting the shock of our unlimitedness, and confronting our humanity as God manifests.
With a Gift of Grace, a Pledge to Truth, and an Ode to Seed, there is no room to save face, there is no space for greed. Plenteous is the Heart indeed!
Shall we see where it leads?
Yes, let us see where it leads!
Let's start here, with the word, harbinger.
Harbinger emerged between the 11th and 15th centuries. Its origin is Proto-Germanic1, with many forms, such as:
The Middle English herberger/herbengar, meaning a “shelter-provider or an innkeeper”
The Old French herbergere/herbergier, meaning “to shelter, lodge, or encamp”
The Old Saxon, heriberga, meaning "army shelter"
In general, harbinger described people who housed or went ahead to secure lodgings for many - like an infantry, a nobleman, an anarchist, or for the most special occasion, even the Royal household. Eventually, harbinger took the shape of a metaphor and is nowadays likened to a herald or messenger and used as an indicator that something “good” or “bad” may be in the offing (i.e., a foreshadowing, or an omen).
But when I imagine this word and its embodiment, I see Trees and their fantastical roots.
The network of Trees, or The Wood Wide Web, as many call it, is the epitome of unconditional generosity. In the Middle Ages, when it was easier to pluck many a person (of power or not) from the earth, and more complex to keep them alive/safe, a true harbinger would be nothing short of a miracle. Like the Trees, a harbinger shares information and resources - they take your bare truths, your most vulnerable parts, and sustains them, protecting them with sanctuary. Like the Trees, harbingers need a network, it's not a job for one alone, you need eyes and ears everywhere, roots and minds spreading wide, intermingling with all angles, shapes, and size.
So, why do I claim such a name? Well, many many months ago I was asking the same thang. I was thrown when I found Harbinger written on my hand while in dreamland. But to make things more clear, I asked for a direction, and I received one (though it was a lot more direct than I was expecting). You see, The Harbinger is not necessarily something that is "mine" to have and to hold (for it is far larger than I)... it's more like an initiation, a vow, a responsibility, a doing my part. It's the gift, I am the giver. It's the challenge, I am the contender. It's an opportunity, I am the crusader. It's the light, I am the house. Now, the unfolding of it - the words I write, the wrongs I face, the experiences I might, the hearts I embrace, the beacons I relay - is my Hip Hip Hooray!, is my yes, I accept, is my thanks, is my offering, is my step by step by step.
Naturally, I relate far more to the OG meaning of harbinger - as someone who finds/creates/evokes harbor, haven, and hearth. Thus, this newsletter is a signal for all who are hungry for... heavy from... and unflinchingly human too.
If done right, then it will lead us to LOVE - plain and simple: unconditional.
It will lead us to ourselves - whole and ripe for peeling, for indulging.
It will lead us out of the hell that is the mind, body, and spirit swelled from seeking sublimity, wilted from nurturing insecurity.
It will lead us into the hearts of each other - taking our time as we witness our crime. Taking our time as we mesh with our flesh.
It will lead us into communion with Earth - every intent to sustain her worth, instead of ravaging her girth.
It will lead us to the depths of our rage, and the subtly obstructive habits that engage. For we are not afraid! We skin our knees and bask in our folly with glee! There is no "woe is me"!
It will lead us away from extremes. No more posing supreme. You see, the gag is in thinking we know what everything means...
Ay, words alone will not suffice2. They can’t describe all that we hold inside, and they certainly can't fully identify what doesn't meet the eye, so I won't try. For how could I speak the galaxies, speak the trees, speak the you-s and me-s?
Plus, a person could never learn what they think they already know. And, boy oh boy, do I know that I know nothing. Yet, it is in this "not knowing" that I am open to everything - arms up in surrender, heart ready for embrace, mouth wide to taste; willing to expand and decrease; collaborating with All to secure Peace. Everything is useful, and everything is really that deep...
That being said, The Harbinger will not only be lyrical harmony, and pretty words to read and ponder but will invoke all the senses, all the elements, all the mess, and all the wonder. I don't yet know the how or the what, but I know the why - to summarize: LOVE, pouring in and out from all sides.
Now, while my goal is to have a letter sent out by the end of every wane (of the Moon), I'd prefer you (and mostly I) not have stubborn expectations or invalid approximations. This process is sacred and must be given sacred accommodation. Let me stumble and crawl, before I start walkin' and prancin'. Let me stroll and skip, before I start runnin' and dancin'. Haste makes waste and Time... well, it's limitless (but, what I really mean is: I'd prefer less stress).
So, you must bear with me, because I'm learning that my stride is purposeful and vigorous.
I'm learning to re-commit to living without an undertone of bitterness, shame, or a need to prove sane.
I'm learning that hope is just an enlarged, and enthusiastic patience, as well as a skill that needs consistent cultivation. I know that I must wait, so I can retrieve. I know that I must listen, so they can receive. But, as someone who habitually attempts to hasten Destiny, practicing patience will prove some difficulty3.
That’s why, I intend to focus on grounding, on nurturing the vitality of The Harbinger - the mecca, the moxie, the magic is in its progression, its cycles, and its range, not the outcomes, not the gains.
I intend to allow it to unfold before my(our) eyes (‘cause it's the reward, it's the prize). Immersion and intimacy, upheaval and unpredictability - The Harbinger is me(us) seeking a direction that ordinary sight can't see.
And I can’t avoid this. As much as I try to evade, excuse and plea, this will haunt me. Either:
I accept the uncertainty that is always within reach or right around the corner and endure the inevitability of fear by holding its clammy hand with a soft smile and gritted teeth,
OR
I doom myself and suffer the torturous demise of “what if”, “if only”, or “how could I…” and suffer the ache of untapped potential and the strain of abandoning relief.
I mean the obvious choice here is choosing The Harbinger, despite its misty dawn, despite my detailed misgivings. I do realize that this must be a consistent choice. I’m at "a" cliff, not “the” cliff, so I must fall forward with this time and time again. My Faith will cushion the fall.
After all, true Faith isn’t blind (i.e. unquestioning or implicit), or even a total end of fear/doubt4. True Faith is learning to yield/move through/transcend/live among the clouds - not in resistance, but in observance. I guess Faith could be embodied like a more refined “YOLO”, but instead of recklessness (fear-induced haste), there is pause, to savour, realign, and appreciate. There’s a deep knowing that what needs to be done will be done, in Time (a time that can’t be calculated or estimated - a time that goes beyond the human mind). Of course, there needs to be some allowing, some choosing, and some follow through, for Faith is also the action, the participation, the work, the “do”.
So, The Harbinger is this (as well as the many things mentioned earlier) - a symbol of my Faith. My Faith in Life, my Faith in Spirit, my Faith in Me, my Faith in You, my Faith in Truth, my Faith that LOVE and only LOVE can get us through the mighty torrents of earthly feud and living subdued.
This Faith of mine has incombustible wings. These fears of mine, well, over time, will lose their deafening ring. Then, I’ll be able to Hark! to me Soul, to the Earth, to the Angels sing, versus sound-bathing in that familiar sting5 of distress... what was it again?... “dun, dun, duuun!”6. Ah, yes!
To conclude, tis’ not an easy thing to do - bearing one’s truth, so I thank you for taking the time to digest this, even if it turns out to be of no use to you. Before I go I’d like to leave you with just a handful of things that have inspired me to create what The Harbinger is, could be, and could bring:
Literature:
Film/TV:
Miscellaneous:
Trees (The Standing Ones)
Everyday serendipities
Learning my capacity through my tragedy
Cloud-gazing
The brilliant audacity of children
Planners & sticky notes
Letter writing/Emailing > texting
GREEN
The tender, yet profound caresses of water
People-watching
Creatures of all kinds (tangible and mystical)
Music:
As the seasons change and the days break, as the shadows entertain you with their fluid shapes, question the “sane”. Persist. Keep your sword contained (for now), don’t succumb to the games and the mind tricks. Take your time. Use fewer words. Allow Nature to do the reasoning, just observe.
Until next time,
T.H.
The prehistoric unrecorded language that is the ancestor of all Germanic languages.
Words tend to be used as labels, which limit and restrict your experience of reality… Saying less has great potential for receiving Truth.
When expectations are out of sync with reality…
Is not doubt/fear also a harbinger? A guide or a locator of our aspirations/ambitions/hopes - A reflection of our Love for/Desire for something and our struggle in pursuing it…
A sting, sometimes called a sounder, is a musical phrase, primarily used in broadcasting and films as a form of punctuation/emphasis/drama!
I.e. Devil’s interval (Latin: Diabolus in Musica) - A jarring combination of 3 tones (tritone)…. it’s hair-raisin’ ‘cause it sounds like damnation, HA!
I'm very thankful to have learned this ancient - the first - meaning of harbinger. I must admit, I've only ever heard it in it's most negative sense, as a forerunner of evil days. I want to lean into its meaning as a person of rest and care. I also loved the description of faith as refined YOLO. Thinking about it as the "substance of things hoped for" as Hebrews says, it makes it a beautiful ship for traveling the unknowns, following the compass of the hopes our hearts tell us to treasure. Hope and future are inextricably bound together and so I think faith and future are also closely related. We only live once indeed and faith gives us courage to really Live it, I think. Thank you for sharing your thoughts ( ◜‿◝ )♡
This is absolutely beautifully written!